Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Phoebe's fanfic draft - I love you, Daddy!

  

not completed yet,
Time Traveler's Wife, have you ever read or watched it? - Yes, I have.
Actually I cried a lot at the end of the movie. lol
The Time Traveler's Wife is a 2009 film based on Audrey Niffenegger's 2003 novel of the same name. Directed by Robert Schwentke, the film stars Eric Bana as Henry DeTamble, a Chicago librarian with a genetic disorder that causes him to time travel randomly as he tries to build a romantic relationship with his love Clare, played by Rachel McAdams. (Wikipedia, 2011)

In this movie, there is a girl who is Henry and Clare's daughter, Alba.
I am going to show my own story, which is based on Alba. And also this story will be not much different with original story because it is based on original story.




I love you, Daddy!


My name is Alba.
I am a time-traveler like Henry, who was my dad.
It went by a long time since my dad died. 
At the Christmas when I was 5, he went to a time travel; but unfortunately he was gunned down by my grandfather during that travelling. Grandpa was hunting when dad arrived there, and he confused with a deer. Actually, I was there when he was shot - I've already known that when and how he would die - and I tried to stop his death, but I couldn't.

Even now, I often go to that time to prevent the death of dad. However, it cannot be changed; because it is his time, and his fate.




Anyway, I am 19 years old now - yes, I became a lady.
Mom and Dr.Kendrick say I should be supposed to stop time-travelling because it will cause something bad to me like dad's death, and it will occur many troubles in others' lives. They may be right and I know about it pretty much than they know, so I think there will be no happen. Everything will be okay.



I couldn’t see dad from I was 10. At that time, I was on a school trip on the zoo; and also I'd already known he would be there. How had I known? I'm a time-traveler; and so I can go to any place of any time to see what happens that time whenever I want to. That's how I had known it already.
Does it sound like a kidding? - No! It is a truth.
We - dad and I - are not able to go too far distant future. I tried to go to the future after 20 years, but I couldn't.
Although dad is not here anymore, I am fine because I can go to see him whenever I want to; but my mom seems not to be. She is still waiting for him.


Unlike dad, I can control my ability. Do you understand what does it mean? 
It means that I can choose the time and the place whenever and wherever I want to go.
My dad, Henry, had no choice of travel time and place. 


And you know? 
The most important thing, which is also unlike my dad, is that I can bring my clothes during I am on a time-travel!!! Henry said he couldn't bring his clothes, so he was always being naked during he was on a travel. I don't know why I can bring them - just I guess it is a kind of God's concern for the little girl! Even he taught me how to open locked doors to get clothes, but I don't need the skill.



Since I was younger - I'm still young -, I've often asked my friends or others "If you have an ability which can bring you in any time and place. Also you can pick up the specific time and place. How will you feel like? What do you think?" And always the answers are "It's unbelievable! How amazing it is? I will do anything if I can get that kind of ability. Also if I have that kind of ability ...." As you see, they desire the ability because, as my mum says, God creates all human beings without this kind of potential. Yes, I agree with her. Time-travel is a part of God's ability, not human's. Only God can control the time.  

And you know? The worst disadvantage of time-travelers is that they cannot change thier future; because, for example, I can see my only one and clear future when I am on time-travelling to the future. Most people who are non-timetraveler, during their lives, can change their future depending on how they persevere in their efforts. Someday who said to me this: No pain, no gain.



 









8 comments:

  1. This is a really cute take on the Time Travelers wife!
    The only things that I would point out would be grammatical errors, and confusion over using tenses. In the second sentence i think that there should be a full stop instead of a comma before 'was', to make it a dramatic short sentence.

    The story is nice though. I like how you go for a reflective albeit sad beginning and then for a happier more positive ending.

    Good Work :)

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  2. Thank you for the comment :)
    Atually it is hard work to write something in English for me :( and maybe that's why I am studying in nz:)

    Anyway, I will thank you again for the reading!

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  4. I love that you put some pictures with your stoty:) also your short and simple sentences this makes me easy to into your story.

    your set-up also lovely. omg she s also time travler!(even more, she can control her ability, so creative:)

    and, I agree Rachel's last sentences from her comment.

    Im looking forward your next story:)

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  5. Heya!

    I thought you had a lovely idea with good plot development. There were some errors in choice of wording and sentence structure etc...

    I definitely agree with what Rachel has said re the fullstop in the second sentence for dramatic effect. Then the next sentence rather than "it went by a long time" it should be 'It has been a long time'. I would also have a think about just saying "I am 19 years old now".

    There was also one sentence I didn't quite understand, and that was "They might be right and I know about it pretty much than they know..... I think what was happening here that confused me was your tense changes and choice of words.

    You might also like to consider developing Alba as a character away from time-travel and her relationship with her father.

    Otherwise I found you gave a detailed background into the original story. Good work!

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  6. omg, i have a lot of grammar errors............ lol

    Anyway thank you guys for your comments, and reading :)

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  7. Even if I haven't read and watch the Time traveler's wife, I almost catch the theme of this story because you explain each scenes clearly! I'm sorry I couldn't catch any mistakes of grammar and vocabs.. but I think if you consider of her father's character as you have done of her, this story will be better! Good luck!

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  8. Well, it can't be helped/ it's fairly expected... and don't feel to bad as there are plenty of students whose first language is English yet have a lack of grammar skills.

    Besides, it allows for plenty to comment on.

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